In the November 17 episode of Gender: A Wider Lens, a podcast which focuses on gender exploratory therapy1, Jungian therapist Lisa Marchiano says:
But I'm thinking back to my analogy [about conversion therapy for trans youth] about the person who comes in who says, you know, "I think I want to leave my marriage". And this is a pretty common presentation in my practice, and the people that I've worked with, men and women through the years that have come in with that. And I would say that probably the average amount of time that we work together before they make a decision, one way or another, is probably a year and a half of weekly treatment. And in that time, we you know, explore, you know, "how did you feel when the relationship started". You know, "how is your week with your spouse this week". And, you know, what, "what are your fantasies, and what dreams did you have about it". And, you know, "hey, have, you know, have you tried couples therapy as well". And we look at it from every possible angle. And then often the person gets to a point where, where they feel, what I would say is, you don't feel, you're not looking for certainty, you're looking for clarity. Because if you're if you're certain, that's probably a sign that you're defending against something...and we can talk about that too, because many of these kids are so certain. And I think that that's actually a bad sign because it shows that you don't have a relationship with your ambivalence. But in any case, yes, I mean, a thorough process takes time.
I think Marchiano’s analogy misses a crucial issue, which is the exact problem with therapy which gatekeeps transition: you don’t have to get a letter from a therapist in order to get a divorce.
Some people may want to spend eighteen months in therapy working out whether they want to get a divorce. I support this. I take marriage vows seriously; I think it’s important to put effort into saving your relationship if you can. But if the government required a therapist’s letter for divorce, every Planned Parenthood in the country would hire a therapist and offer divorce letter appointments, five minutes in-and-out, all you have to do is confirm your birthdate and the proper spelling of your name and you’re ready to go. And they would be absolutely right to do so.
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