I probably was not going to read this book anytime soon, and this was *such* a useful definition for me. I have been trying to grok what is the subtle difference between folks I refer to as "partners" vs not (I do not necessarily have sex with all of them), and this got it right on the money. I do not know why it was not intuitive to me that explaining a concept from a book is helpful to do.
Such a useful concept, glad I found this through your index. And I'm not even poly in principle or practice. I've been feeling in the dark for this distinction, probably because I'm feeling a distinct lack of attachment based relationships in my life despite NOT being lonely as such.
And I feel that one of the most common causes of conflict/disappointment is a mismatch on this (and possibly a tentative hypothesis that some people want to, impossibly, have an ABR with anyone who's more than a most fleeting acquiantance.
Oh and as others said, the elements of HEART don't work for me fully here either, but the gist of the concept definitely does.
I'm fascinated by how *little* this resonates with me. Looking at the HEART components I feel: these are all good things, but they don't need to go together! I see more of a cluster around intensity/depth of connection, and another around reliability/availability. Then again, I'm quite the collector of comets, and some of my deepest moments of connection are with people I only rarely spend time with.
I probably was not going to read this book anytime soon, and this was *such* a useful definition for me. I have been trying to grok what is the subtle difference between folks I refer to as "partners" vs not (I do not necessarily have sex with all of them), and this got it right on the money. I do not know why it was not intuitive to me that explaining a concept from a book is helpful to do.
Such a useful concept, glad I found this through your index. And I'm not even poly in principle or practice. I've been feeling in the dark for this distinction, probably because I'm feeling a distinct lack of attachment based relationships in my life despite NOT being lonely as such.
And I feel that one of the most common causes of conflict/disappointment is a mismatch on this (and possibly a tentative hypothesis that some people want to, impossibly, have an ABR with anyone who's more than a most fleeting acquiantance.
Oh and as others said, the elements of HEART don't work for me fully here either, but the gist of the concept definitely does.
I'm fascinated by how *little* this resonates with me. Looking at the HEART components I feel: these are all good things, but they don't need to go together! I see more of a cluster around intensity/depth of connection, and another around reliability/availability. Then again, I'm quite the collector of comets, and some of my deepest moments of connection are with people I only rarely spend time with.
I had a very similar reaction.