Frequently Asked Questions About Bihacking

Seven years ago, I wrote an article about bihacking intending to caution people away from the practice. However, everyone who read that article interpreted it as me saying that bihacking is great and works well, and many of them tried to bihack. So now I have more extensive observations about the practice, what works, and what doesn’t.

Throughout this article, I will be assuming the reader is a straight man who wants to become interested in men, because most bihackers fit in this category. If you’re a member of another group, change the pronouns and gendered words appropriately; I hope it is still helpful. I think similar advice can be helpful for people looking to make other large changes to their sexuality, such as vanilla people who want to become kinky or fetishists who’d like to expand beyond their fetish.

I’m going to be writing confidently in this post, but bihacking is in its infancy as a practice. Please hold all of my advice lightly; discard things which don’t work for you. I welcome corrections from bihackers.

Does It Work?

It depends on what you mean by “work.”

When thinking about bihacking, I prefer not to think about “sexuality”: the narrowly defined set of acts that involve genital stimulation or preparatory fondling, to use Blanchard’s memorable phrase. Instead, I prefer to think about “eroticism.”

Eroticism is a very broad concept. I could say “a certain kind of sensual joy, usually involving touch and other people”, but a definition by example works best. It’s the slide of rope against your skin as your rope top tightens the harness, or the thud of a flogger against your back. It’s feeling a deep sense of peace when someone rests their head on your chest, or you play with their hair, or they hold you. It’s the silly giggly togetherness, curling up under a blanket together and holding hands and whispering secrets. It’s running your hands down your newly shaved legs or the feel of silky underwear. It’s a really good massage from a friend. It’s feeling people’s eyes on you desiring you, or being part of a crowd that is all breathlessly desiring the same person. It’s some kinds of appreciation of beauty. It’s when someone is just namelessly special: nervous excitement when you’re just meeting; longing for them when you’re apart; the sense of rightness when you’re together.¹

Can you, a straight man, end up wanting a guy to fuck your ass? Maybe, maybe not. But even if you never wind up wanting to share genital sexuality with men in most circumstances, you can cultivate a sense of eroticism with other men.² And for many men this is valuable.