This is kind of reminding me of how, in the callout post about Aziz Ansari being extremely pushy on a date, the writer went out of her way near the beginning to mention that Ansari didn't bother to ask her whether she'd prefer red or white wine (I think it was something like that, at a restaurant meal that Ansari was paying for), and how this soon became an oft-mocked aspect of her complaint.
I agree the most legible and norm violating thing isn’t necessarily the most hurtful thing. But presumably neither are many of the small grievances- they may not even be related to the larger dynamic or character traits causing the harm.
I think mutual bitch-eating-cracker feelings end up being a huge contributor by the time one of the parties feels the need for a callout.
I appreciated this post, including the focus on Franklin Veaux, because one of the things that stuck out to me when I read the accusations was that the combination of major and minor accusations against him basically obligated him to leave the community. Otherwise he was going to have to appease every last minor gripe about his behavior. Your post gives me a different way to think about it. I'll have to reconsider my previous thoughts on him.
That seems like an odd contortion of the term. If I'm having sex with someone at their house, and I splash some green paint on their wall, is that sexual assault if they didn't want their wall painted green, just because it happened during sex? It's bad, sure, but calling it "sexual assault" minimizes the seriousness of *actual* sexual assault, and dilutes away the serious meaning of the term.
This is kind of reminding me of how, in the callout post about Aziz Ansari being extremely pushy on a date, the writer went out of her way near the beginning to mention that Ansari didn't bother to ask her whether she'd prefer red or white wine (I think it was something like that, at a restaurant meal that Ansari was paying for), and how this soon became an oft-mocked aspect of her complaint.
I agree the most legible and norm violating thing isn’t necessarily the most hurtful thing. But presumably neither are many of the small grievances- they may not even be related to the larger dynamic or character traits causing the harm.
I think mutual bitch-eating-cracker feelings end up being a huge contributor by the time one of the parties feels the need for a callout.
I appreciated this post, including the focus on Franklin Veaux, because one of the things that stuck out to me when I read the accusations was that the combination of major and minor accusations against him basically obligated him to leave the community. Otherwise he was going to have to appease every last minor gripe about his behavior. Your post gives me a different way to think about it. I'll have to reconsider my previous thoughts on him.
I'm a little confused; how is doing acupuncture on someone sexual assault?
Doing a BDSM scene with someone they don't consent to is sexual assault.
That seems like an odd contortion of the term. If I'm having sex with someone at their house, and I splash some green paint on their wall, is that sexual assault if they didn't want their wall painted green, just because it happened during sex? It's bad, sure, but calling it "sexual assault" minimizes the seriousness of *actual* sexual assault, and dilutes away the serious meaning of the term.
Well it was during BSDM of some kind. Although Ozy says in the footnote that it may or may not have qualified as sexual assault.