This is a really good list! One thing that I'd personally add for myself - and I suspect is true for a number of other people as well - is structure. I find it very helpful to be expected to have activities that are scheduled for certain times in the day.
I know this gets so much harder when people get older, and you have more sunk cost biases and shared commitments wrapped up in your relationships:
but I wish I could let every person younger than 30, or in a relationship without a heavy amount of shared commitments, know that if they feel constantly anxious or really bad in a relationship, they are allowed to break up. It does not matter if they love the person, or if the person has not done anything Officially Wrong. It does not matter if the person, or you. might grow or change in 1-5 years time such that the relationship does not feel bad. You can break up with them, it is an option you have. Re-evaluate the relationship, and whether you want to re-escalate it, when you stop feeling bad all of the time. You can also open a negotiation to change the thing that might be contributing to it feeling really bad. (e.g. if being around your in-laws feels really, really bad, then you can try to negotiate to spend less time around your in-laws).
What if you kind of like the anxiety? I don't act like the stereotypical one, but I am kind of an adrenaline junkie and I find low-level background anxiety a lot better than boredom and mild depression.
I realised later, through conversations within my polycule, that a benefit of this list is that it is simple, unambigous advice that applies to most people. Relationship advice enters into a murky territory of being much much more context dependent.
Thank you so, so much for this. Printing this out to put in the wall of my household.
It hit the nail on the head of my struggles with my job. Low sense of competency that results in low sense of accomplishment. Girlfriend with ADHD appreciates this list, too. It feels overwhelming her to be the "Perfect Adult", but thinking of this as a light checklist she can slowly build habits around feels more accessible.
Thank you for the phrasing of "if you want to change your body" in the Food Section.
Re: not sleeping because you're doing things - I used to have this problem specifically with doing things on my computer; I've mostly solved it with software that shuts down my computer + phone at a preset time, and my sleep is now way better. Hope that helps someone.
This is one of the most stressful things I have read in the last two weeks. But pretty true.
I think the excercise section should emphasise ANY and NOT give the "hours requirement" (I've seen data that show that even 10 minutes a day makes a BIG difference).
I also think very very strongly that "other environmental elements" deserve their own section. It's probably not very obvious to someone living in California, but I can tell from experience over many years that for example fore, being cold indoors makes me nearly unable to do absolutely anything beyond basic survival things (this makes recent increases in electricity prices a major factor that reduces my productivity working from home, for example).
I also think that "personal cleanliness", "environment cleanliness" and "untidy clutter" can be unrelated. I kinda thrive in chaos of STUFF, but serious dirt/squalor make me almost-depressed, yet struggle with both, while positively enjoying washing/bathing myself.
I absolutely LOVE the "being literally anywhere than my house" because it's a thing for me (tho I need to get beyond the gate, so just garden doesn't count) as separate from "outside".
I'd add one thing to this list: change/stimulation. Not quite the same as "fun", but super important (at least for me).
This is a really good list! One thing that I'd personally add for myself - and I suspect is true for a number of other people as well - is structure. I find it very helpful to be expected to have activities that are scheduled for certain times in the day.
I know this gets so much harder when people get older, and you have more sunk cost biases and shared commitments wrapped up in your relationships:
but I wish I could let every person younger than 30, or in a relationship without a heavy amount of shared commitments, know that if they feel constantly anxious or really bad in a relationship, they are allowed to break up. It does not matter if they love the person, or if the person has not done anything Officially Wrong. It does not matter if the person, or you. might grow or change in 1-5 years time such that the relationship does not feel bad. You can break up with them, it is an option you have. Re-evaluate the relationship, and whether you want to re-escalate it, when you stop feeling bad all of the time. You can also open a negotiation to change the thing that might be contributing to it feeling really bad. (e.g. if being around your in-laws feels really, really bad, then you can try to negotiate to spend less time around your in-laws).
What if you kind of like the anxiety? I don't act like the stereotypical one, but I am kind of an adrenaline junkie and I find low-level background anxiety a lot better than boredom and mild depression.
I realised later, through conversations within my polycule, that a benefit of this list is that it is simple, unambigous advice that applies to most people. Relationship advice enters into a murky territory of being much much more context dependent.
Thank you so, so much for this. Printing this out to put in the wall of my household.
It hit the nail on the head of my struggles with my job. Low sense of competency that results in low sense of accomplishment. Girlfriend with ADHD appreciates this list, too. It feels overwhelming her to be the "Perfect Adult", but thinking of this as a light checklist she can slowly build habits around feels more accessible.
Thank you for the phrasing of "if you want to change your body" in the Food Section.
Month later, and I am still referencing my print-out of this.
Re: not sleeping because you're doing things - I used to have this problem specifically with doing things on my computer; I've mostly solved it with software that shuts down my computer + phone at a preset time, and my sleep is now way better. Hope that helps someone.
This is one of the most stressful things I have read in the last two weeks. But pretty true.
I think the excercise section should emphasise ANY and NOT give the "hours requirement" (I've seen data that show that even 10 minutes a day makes a BIG difference).
I also think very very strongly that "other environmental elements" deserve their own section. It's probably not very obvious to someone living in California, but I can tell from experience over many years that for example fore, being cold indoors makes me nearly unable to do absolutely anything beyond basic survival things (this makes recent increases in electricity prices a major factor that reduces my productivity working from home, for example).
I also think that "personal cleanliness", "environment cleanliness" and "untidy clutter" can be unrelated. I kinda thrive in chaos of STUFF, but serious dirt/squalor make me almost-depressed, yet struggle with both, while positively enjoying washing/bathing myself.
I absolutely LOVE the "being literally anywhere than my house" because it's a thing for me (tho I need to get beyond the gate, so just garden doesn't count) as separate from "outside".
I'd add one thing to this list: change/stimulation. Not quite the same as "fun", but super important (at least for me).